Don't beat yourself up

Hey!
I've been thinking a lot about goals recently, and not the sports kind.
I'm at a weird point in my life where I am working on a few goals for myself, and I don't feel like I'm getting very far with them.
First off, I started a new job about 2 months ago. I'm a buyer at Passavant Area Hospital. I really like the job, it's a great move for me and the work is very rewarding and I know that what I do actually makes a difference. I left Production Xpress, which I had been wanting to do for some time. So, I did meet that big goal and felt very happy about it. I'm going to sound like I'm tooting my own horn here, but they really like me at my new job. My boss regularly tells me what an amazing job I'm doing and how happy she is they have me.
But, at this new job, I sit at a computer all day. At Xpress, I walked around a lot. I was almost always moving. But here, my job is to order supplies at the hospital, and it is quite demanding, so I don't have a lot of time to walk around and move like I used to.
So, I've gained about 5 lbs since I've been there. Which isn't a huge amount, but it's just been two months and I don't want to gain any more. I'd like to get back down to my normal weight, which is what I was holding steady at for almost all of my adult life. This might not seem like a big deal, but I have literally weighed the same since I was in high school, give or take a couple pounds.
I've been working out, as I was before. I run 3 times a week, usually for 1/2 hour. And I do yoga about 3 times a week. So i feel pretty good. But still, those extra 5 lbs annoy me. I'm sure it's vanity, or that weird mental thing that society puts in us to always look a certain way. But also, I want to be healthy. And for my smallish frame, an extra 5 lbs makes a difference.
I don't feel great about my progress with this goal to lose this weight at this point. The problem is, the weekends are perfect for drinking and eating. And I don't really want to change that too much. But, I think I will have to just be more aware of the food & drink I put in my body and make sure I'm not an idiot when it comes to what I consume. I hate to put restrictions on myself when it comes to drink and especially food, but at my age, I kind of have to. *sigh*

Also, I had a goal to write more. In my head, I was thinking I would write a little every day. That hasn't happened. I don't think it's very realistic, with the way my day is structured right now. So I've decided that I'm still going to write more, just not every day.

So, these self-created goals, the thing they have in common is they won't really harm or benefit anyone other than myself. So I only have myself to answer to if I fail or succeed.
And what I need to do, is not worry about it. I need to take it easy on myself...of course it's good to make goals and stick with them, but it isn't healthy to get upset with myself if I don't totally succeed the way I think I should.

The only thing I can do is make the most of my time and effort right now, and if i feel the need to work my ass off, I will. And that will probably be satisfying.
But if I feel the need to treat myself, that will be pretty great too.

The butt scope had been disinfected.

It's such a perfect day outside. It's sunny, like 65 degrees, plus it isn't raining, which is a nice change.

Ok, if I write about the weather, truly nobody will want to read these things. 

But I had to comment, as I feel like we have had shit weather for a week straight.

Although, I do love a good rainy day, as many do. There's a comfortable melancholy to it. I've heard people say that it's because you have a good excuse to sit inside and do nothing. There's something to that, for sure. But I think there's more to it.

I think part of it is we feel like we should be striving to be happy all the time. I think this is a really American thing....maybe I'm wrong? Anyone from another country *ahem Andriy*, chime in here. And if you're not happy, people generally don't want to hear about it. But being not happy is totally normal.

Being inside on a good rainy day is like the feeling of listening to a sad song. Sometimes it feels really good. Like, I used to LOVE Elliott Smith. I mean, I still love him. But I don't really listen to him much anymore. When I was younger, I used to embrace sad music so much more than I do now. Why is that? Maybe it's because I was an emotional young adult, going through all kinds of relationship ups and downs and general hormonal wackiness. 

And now, as far as emotions and relationships go, I'm pretty stable. Sometimes I feel like that's boring...but usually, I love it and I strive for that comfortable feeling of stability most of the time now. I love the feeling of a routine and ritual. Do all people go through this at this age?

I do still feel that thrill, though, at doing something out of my routine or something kind of "risky." I'm not sure that feeling will ever really leave me. It reminds me that there is more out there than what I know. That's a really good feeling.
It's kind of the same feeling for me now that I get when I learn something really new. Like there is a new door that's opening that I feel like I can walk through.

Take my new job: in March I took a job at Passavant Area Hospital. I'm a buyer, which means I purchase items the hospital needs, everything from toilet paper to bone saws. And, as someone who is brand new to the healthcare industry, I find it SO INTERESTING. I get to learn something brand new almost every day. 

My vocabulary is expanding, as I encounter words used only in the healthcare industry. 

Did you know there are different types of spinal needles? Quincke, Tuohy, Whitacre...and I think there are even more that I haven't encountered yet.

The other day, someone dropped a scope on my desk that needed to be returned to the vendor. A member of the OR staff walked into my office to ask me a question, and as she left, she said "did you know that's been in somebody's butt?" No....no I did not. 

But that's cool.

 

Let's form a new (good) habit

I really miss writing, and I think about doing it all the time, but then I don't do it because I don't take the time out of my day/week to do it.

I heard somewhere that in order to make something a habit, you should do it consistently for two straight weeks and then your mind and body will become accustomed to it and continuing the practice will be easy. I have found that to be mostly true so far, so I'm giving it a go.

So, don't expect anything spectacular out of it, but I am going to write a little something every day for the next couple of weeks to see if it sticks (I'm telling myself this mostly because I don't think anyone actually reads this.) As I said multiple times this past weekend (mostly about drinking water while drinking booze,): I won't regret doing this, but I might regret not doing it.

So, here's what's going on right now.
Andriy's at class, his last on location class of the semester (woohoo!) so I'm home alone. Well, with Frodo.

I'm waiting for dinner to cook, drinking a glass of wine (whatever we had open) and listening to music. I got this idea from Chris Hardwick where he makes a playlist for every year of his life. So, while he's, say, 42, if there is a song that catches his ear or that he's really digging at that time, he adds it to his "42" playlist. Right now I'm listening to and adding to my 35 playlist. Recent additions:
"Prisencolinensinainciusol" Adriano Celentano (what does that even mean? no idea, but the song's a jam.)
"Oogum Boogum Song" Brenton Wood (also such a jam)
"Pure Comedy" Father John Misty (which feeds my soul. It makes me sad and really pleased at the same time. like someone really gets how fucked up it is right now and I'm glad they do)
"Waiting Room" by Fugazi  (I totally forgot about Fugazi until recently I found a mixed tape that a boy had made with that song on it and I was like OH YEAH)
"Them Changes" Thundercat (this is the most recent addition to my 35 playlist, it is thanks to All Songs Considered and good luck not doing that shoulder move when you hear it)

BTW, what are your thoughts on Chris Hardwick? I guess lots of people think he's a total tool, which I kind of get. But I think I really like him. Even when he tries to psychoanalyze everyone on his podcast, I still forgive him. He means well.

Well, this was fun. I'm going to eat dinner and watch something with David Tennant in it.
I'll end this with a photo of me right now.

A Year of Yes

Howdy Howdy Howdy, it's been a while! I actually started this blog right after the new year, so it was going to be a "year in review" entry. You know what? I think it still will be. It's over half done already and I've decided that 2016 is going to be a "year of yes,"  so i'll just go for it.

Looking back, I think my 2015 was pretty alright. Actually, no, I can say it was a good year. Nothing terrible happened, no big changes in my life and mostly good things were going on around me. The only weird/bad thing that first comes to mind is Andriy's sudden necessary gall bladder surgery, which meant a night's stay in the hospital and bills bills bills. But we survived that with just some tummy scars (him, not me.)
Other than that, I did mostly what i wanted to do without too much interruption, aside from, you know, having to work for a living.

Here are a few things I LOVED about 2015:

Travel is almost always at the top of my list. This year, I traveled to the East Coast twice. First was to visit Maine and Vermont with my husband, ending with a visit to our best friend Jdo in Ohio. Maine was AMAZING, especially where we were, which was Bar Harbour/Acadia National Park. It's SUCH a beautiful place. Here's a photo, just to brag/reminisce.

Yeah, it was so good. Go there.
Then we spent a week in Vermont, because it is our plan to move there in 2017. We have set a year. Now we just need to figure out how the HELL you move to a brand new place where you don't know anyone or have a job. So, we're going to figure that out. But we're going to do it. We love Vermont so much. We spent a week there, exploring different areas, scoping out the neighborhoods in Burlington, checking out job availability. I even spoke with someone at the New England Culinary Institute about their programs. I'm not saying that's what I'm going to do, but it kind of sounds like something I might really enjoy. We'll see.
After hiking/driving/eating our way around Vermont, we headed home, but not before stopping and visiting Jeremy Doughty in Bowling Green Ohio. I'm so glad we got to see where he's been spending his time recently, earning his doctorate (way to go, Dr. Doughty!)

I also took the opportunity to visit my sister, Jessica, in Maryland. Mom and Dad were going and asked if i wanted to join them. I thought about it for a half a second and then said YES of course! Jessi and her family moved there in December of 2014 and I hadn't seen much of them since then. So, we had a lovely visit with them, spending a lot of time with her and her sweet, beautiful daughters. We did a little hiking, a little exploring. I was so happy to see their nice place and that they live somewhere that's actually really pretty. Now I want to bring Andriy back so we can explore more.

More things I loved:

After hurting my back doing something boring and normal (didn't love that,) I started doing yoga very regularly again. Since I'm cheap and impatient, I decided to explore the options on YouTube. I found Yoga with Adriene. And it is great. Adriene is so laid back and kind of silly, not so super serious like some yoga instructors I've encountered that take themselves and their practice waayy too seriously. So, she fit right into my life. I've been practicing yoga from home since early last year. Check out her channel on YouTube if you're interested in adding some yoga to your life.

I tend to not talk about work much, but my business did relocate to a new, much better location. The move was a lot of work, and I had to miss a family reunion because of it, but it's done. And I had the opportunity to have the layout exactly as i want it/need it. To get the updates on what's happening there, like us on the Facebook page that I manage: https://www.facebook.com/ProductionXpress/

Andriy and I have taken a new fun step into nerddom. We started watching Doctor Who and we LOVE it. It's got the right mix of playfulness, dorkiness and Britishness. I find it very comforting to immerse myself in the world of Doctor Who. I find that as time goes on, we find ourselves watching more and more British TV...we're a couple of angliophiles over here. Thanks Netflix & Hulu!

Wrapping this one up for now. More soon...

go listen and play outside

So, I've been working on this Spotify playlist for some time. It's called "Summertime Playlist" and it's full of fun, upbeat songs that I want to hear when I'm enjoying a nice day outside. I've been editing this playlist for a couple of years now. It started with a classic rock base, because once the weather is nice enough for me to roll down my windows in the car, that's what I turn to. But, I keep my ears open all the time, and when I hear a song that I think makes the cut, I make a note of it on my phone and I test it out later in my playlist.

At this point, I have 147 songs in my playlist, and right now that's 9 hours, 13 minutes worth of music. I'm constantly adding or removing songs, based on what I think is appropriate. I'm trying to grab as much music as possible from as many genres and decades as possible, so please make suggestions for what you think should be on my summertime playlist. And if you're on Spotify, go follow this playlist of mine (it's public,) give it a listen and let me know if you have any suggestions. I would love to collaborate with anyone else that might enjoy this playlist too! Click here - Summertime Playlist - if you want to help me perfect it. FYI, you need to have a Spotify account to listen to it, but it is totally free and totally worth it. I love listening to music on Spotify!

Moving on, I've got some spring tasks that I've set for myself. One is a flower garden for my front yard. My front yard is boring, apart from the rose bush growing (out of control) and our Ukrainian flag blowing in the wind. So, it's time to make it prettier. I love getting my hands dirty and it's such a satisfying ongoing project, keeping up a garden. So, I'm on it. Right now, it's just sketches on paper and an outline in the yard. I'll post photos as it develops.
We're planning a nice trip for spring. We'll be exploring New England again, just Andriy & I, and we're heading all the way out to northeast Maine, up to Acadia National Park. I'm psyched to go that far east and to explore somewhere I've never been. We'll be doing a lot of hiking, eating a lot of shellfish, and enjoying some nice coastal views. CAN'T WAIT.  http://www.barharborinfo.com/acadia_national_park/
Then, we're spending some more time in Vermont, which we are still examining as our possible future home. This will be an exploratory visit to Vermont, checking out what kind of jobs and homes are available out there and what kind of $$$ it might take to move. It's exciting, and terrifying at the same time, to think about moving somewhere completely new on a permanent basis. This is coming from the girl that packed up and moved to Ukraine for 2 years, I know, but I knew that would be a temporary thing with Peace Corps and I didn't have a mortgage to worry about then. I'm sure Andriy understands this feeling better, but even he had a home base to start at here in Jacksonville when he moved from Ukraine. It would really be helpful if one of us were to find a good job in Vermont, but that hasn't happened yet. Maybe some day, we'll just decide to DO IT and see what happens. If anyone has connections in Vermont, holler at me! I'm serious!

I wonder how it never was

Today is the annual Jacksonville Bar-to-Bar Golf Classic. Honestly, it's a shit show, an excuse to day drink for most (starting at 11:00 am) held at the bars in downtown Jacksonville. I haven't actually played the Bar-to-Bar in a couple of years, trying to avoid the drama of herding around a "team" of drunk fools, but i try not to miss seeing old friends gathered together in our home town, a rare occasion these days. So, I met some of these fine folks out this afternoon, ready to enjoy their company. It was good, as it always is, because the people I call friends are awesome.

I'm home now at a decent hour, and their fellowship has inspired me to write a bit.

I'm having a beer and listening to some music. Right now it's Peter Bjorn & John - "Young Folks."

Six inches of snow fell last night, the most we've had at once so far this year. As much as I'm ready for warmer weather, there is something undeniably lovely about a heavy blanket of fresh snow. Everything is brighter and so.....quiet.

It's been over half a year since i wrote last. Here's what's been going on since then:

Andriy & I traveled to Ukraine last May, and we spent, what was for me, the most valuable two weeks I've ever had there. We spent the entire time with his parents, sister and niece & nephew at his parents' house. This trip almost didn't happen, since Ukraine has been in a state of uncertainty since the protests on Maidan. We almost didn't go....but how do you know if it will get better or worse?

In the end, we had zero problems travelling and had such a wonderful time just enjoying summer in Ukraine. And on our way home, we spent a day in Warsaw, Poland, because why not? Lovely city. Go see it.

At the moment, Hall & Oates, "Rich Girl" is playing (Spotify radio, btw, based on my summertime playlist, follow me there.)

Shortly after this trip, we attended the annual McLaughlin Family Reunion. Talking about awesome people...maybe they are why I enjoy being around people so much? I'm so lucky to come from two of the GREATEST FAMILIES: The Scott's and the McLaughlin's. 

We replaced the roof on our house, thanks to the help from our family and friends, mainly my uncle Leo Anslyn. If you live in the greater Jacksonville area, consider Anslyn Home Improvement (from Winchester) for your next home project. Seriously, this guy is such a professional and sooo talented. 

And "Born on the Bayou" just came on by CCR. Seriously, does John Fogerty's voice make anyone else just crave summer and baseball?

I spent some time in August with my mom and two sisters in Missouri wine country. That was lovely. Mainly because they're lovely. This was the first "girl trip" we've all taken together, I think. We have to do that again.

Andriy and I traveled back to Indiana in August for a reunion camping trip with our very good friend Jeremy Doughty. We both met Jdo while he was a fellow Peace Corps volunteer in Ukraine and we've been best friends since. We spend time with him every year for a camping trip. This was our second year meeting him at Shades State Park in Indiana, since he's attending Bowling Green State University in Ohio for his doctorate. We explored many of Turkey Run's canyons and riverside trails. Spending time with Jdo is always relaxing...we just get each other. Maybe this is an RPCV thing? We are of such a similar mind...I wish we lived nearer to each other!

Some friends of ours started playing Dungeons & Dragons and invited Andriy and I to join. Neither of us had ever played before, but we agreed to give it a try...and we both really love it. We try and meet monthly, at least, with Denver, Joe O'Neal, Joe Sculley & whoever else might be around and it's been such a delightful way to spend time with friends, just nerding out. I never thought D&D would be part of my life, but now I wonder how it never was.

Marvin Gaye, "Let's Get It On." Seriously, if you don't understand soul, you've never heard Marvin Gaye.

Speaking of listening to things: I probably listen to more podcasts than I do music now. That's kinda sad, only because that means I listen to less music. HOWEVER, I enjoy my podcasts so much. Normally, that's what I'm listening to if I'm getting ready in the morning or driving to or from work. On my podcast feed now: All Songs Considered (great hosts, great music,) The Bugle (with John Oliver!) Radiolab, This American Life, (the last two great NPR productions) Sound Opinions (Chicago area music podcast, i'm new to it, but I like it so far,) Serial ( just because,) Cognitive Dissonance (another Chicago area podcast, this one geared to skeptics, very funny,) and The Nerdist (my new favorite thing.) Stuff You Should Know was my intro podcast, and I still love it. 

On the music side...I did, however, get a record player for Christmas. Listening to vinyl totally changes the way you listen to music. Do you ever just sit and listen, not just to music, but to a whole album from start to finish? Pour yourself a nice glass of wine, whiskey or tea and give a listen to your favorite artist's best album. It might change your life.

So, I keep listening to things, I keep going places and seeing stuff, and I keep eating stuff too. Life keeps happening. I hope you're enjoying yours. I'll write more soon. 

We don't need no stinking mixes

I don't usually feel the need to toot my own horn, but I thought I'd tell you guys about the delicious food I've been making. I feel like I've recently really stepped up my game, dinner wise recently. It might have something to do with the fact that Andriy and I are using more fresh ingredients when we cook and fewer boxes and mixes.
For example, I grew up on chili made with Chilli Man seasoning. That's how my mom always it made it, it's super easy and it makes really tasty chili. We kind of quit buying it, mainly just to save money, so when I recently got a hankering to make chili, I had to figure out my own recipe.

I did a little searching and came up with this reaaaallllly good chili recipe that has an interesting ingredient: unsweetened cocoa powder! Here it is:

1 lb ground beef
1 large onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic, crushed
1 tablespoon chili powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1 teaspoon dried oregano
1 teaspoon unsweetened baking cocoa
1/2 teaspoon red pepper sauce (I added a bit more to make it spicier)
2 cups diced tomatoes, undrained
1 can red kidney beans (or whatever beans you like), undrained

Ok, cook the beef, onion & garlic over medium-high heat for about 8 minutes, or until the beef is brown (stirring occasionally.) I also added some fresh peppers at this point. Drain the grease (or don't if you like it a little greasy like Steak 'n' Shake chili.)
Stir in the remaining ingredients except the beans. heat to boiling. reduce heat to low, cover and simmer about an hour, stirring occasionally.
Stir in the beans. Heat it to boiling again, then reduce heat to low. simmer uncovered for about 20 minutes, stirring occasionally, until it's your desired thickness.

If at any point it looks too thick to you, just add some water or tomato juice. You can always boil the extra moisture out if it looks too thin.

The cocoa in this chili adds a really interesting and delicious element. I like to eat my chili with a sprinkle of cheese, a dollop of sour cream and maybe some oyster crackers.
YUUUUMMMMM